What does the Monster Raving Loony party candidate for Croydon North have in common with Conservative MP Gavin Barwell, Cuddly Dudley Mead, the deputy leader of Croydon Council, and the very ex-Tory Andrew Pelling?
The answer: John Cartwright, aka John Loony, like Barwell, Mead and Pelling, is an Old Mid-Whitgiftian, as they all went to the same private school, Trinity. We’ll leave it to Inside Croydon‘s loyal reader to determine whether that is the end of the similarities.
In these days when mental health issues are taken seriously, Cartwright is again using the often offensive “loony” tag for his candidature. After a hiatus to consider his candidacy because of his professed respect for the late Malcolm Wicks, the MP for the northern Croydon constituency for 20 years whose death a month ago has caused the by-election, Cartwright puts himself forward as a pro-coalition government, pro-cuts and anti-EU candidate.
Unlike most candidates in the by-election on November 29, Cartwright says his aim is to score as low a vote as possible. So he hopes that voters will not take a shine to his manifesto.
That may not be difficult. If Cartwright does manage to dissuade people from fancying him as a politician, he may attract unwelcome attention because he has dedicated much of his his party website to a “HunkWatch WAAAAGH!!!”, in which he ranks 19 men he fancies, including 15-year-old Jake Foushee.
Cartwright, who is 44 years old, particularly likes a named Trinity boy who left the school last year whom he describes as “a delightfully handsome, lean, athletic, muscular rugby player” and as “the most gorgeous ex-pupil that Trinity School, Croydon, has produced in the whole of the 21st century”.
It is almost as if Cartwright has not read any newspaper front pages or watched any television news bulletins for the past two weeks.
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I think the Jake Foushee thing is a harmless joke about him doing the deep voice of what we mentally percieve to be a middle aged man on movie trailers… and anyway the kid lives in North Carolina so the chances of John getting a date are slim indeed.
I think Croydon’s children are safe. I think he’s just giving someone he likes a harmless plug… at least I hope so. He does seem to have plumped for some older men as well anyway…
Talking of which I am now wondering why I have not made Hunkwatch.
It cannot be that I am ugly so it must be because I went to the wrong public school.
“It is almost as if Cartwright has not read any newspaper front pages or watched any television news bulletins for the past two weeks.”
Whenever I view his twitter feed he’s watching Harry Potter back to back. I’m not sure he has time for the real world.
Dear Inside Croydon,
I am writing to respond to your article about me on your website. I do so merely to clarify some of the confusions which you seem to have.
“In these days when mental health issues are taken seriously, Cartwright is again using the often offensive “loony” tag for his candidature.”
Mental health? You are aware, I assume, that I myself am autistic, and that I have suffered depression in the past? or perhaps not? The word “Loony” has been part of the name of the Official Monster Raving Loony Party for 30 years now, and it is a stretch of the imagination to suggest that it is offensive to anyone other than some of the more narrow-minded politicians of the so-called “main” parties, whom the OMRLP is intended to satirise.
“After a hiatus to consider his candidacy because of his professed respect for the late Malcolm Wicks, the MP for the northern Croydon constituency for 20 years whose death a month ago has caused the by-election, Cartwright puts himself forward as a pro-coalition government, pro-cuts and anti-EU candidate.”
My hesitation in making a decision about whether to stand was for a variety of reasons – not just respect for Malcolm Wicks (and shock at his death) but also considerations about my support for the government and the tactical considerations of the constituency – in other words, my decision is helped by the fact that Croydon North is not a marginal.
“Unlike most candidates in the by-election on November 29, Cartwright says his aim is to score as low a vote as possible.”
This is where your article resorts to a complete falsehood. I have been a candidate in 20 public elections since 1994, and in none of those campaigns have I ever said that I want to score as low a vote as possible. The only election in which I did have such an aim was the Fieldway ward by-election of 2005, in which I made no statements whatsoever during the campaign. In all other elections as a candidate I have always aimed to get as many votes as possible.
“So he hopes that voters will not take a shine to his manifesto.”
Another falsehood – I hope that voters will agree with my manifesto, and will vote for me accordingly.
“That may not be difficult. If Cartwright does manage to dissuade people from fancying him as a politician, he may attract unwelcome attention because he has dedicated much of his his party website to a “HunkWatch WAAAAGH!!!”, in which he ranks 19 men he fancies, including 15-year-old Jake Foushee.”
(a) “Much” of my website? One page, to be precise – out of 18 pages. The WAAAAGH page is the least political of those pages, and not directly related to the by-election campaign. But I am not trying to hide it, if that’s what you’re getting at.
(b) Jake Foushee is 15 and a half, is physically bigger and more mature than average for his age, and is – in other words – over the age of sexual maturity. So what if I fancy him? Lots of teenage girls and young women fancy him. It doesn’t mean that I want to behave in an appropriate way to him, or have any sort of relationship with him (not that that would be possible, even if I did). He tweeted thanks to me after I wrote him a fan-letter – not what he would have done if he felt uncomfortable about it. As I’m sure you understand fully, the age of consent relates to sexual activity, not physical attraction.
“Cartwright, who is 44 years old, particularly likes a named Trinity boy who left the school last year whom he describes as “a delightfully handsome, lean, athletic, muscular rugby player” and as “the most gorgeous ex-pupil that Trinity School, Croydon, has produced in the whole of the 21st century”.”
“Boy”? You mean Danny Casey, who is 19? Again, so what if I fancy a 19-year-old? I have met him twice, and on the second occasion he specifically said that he didn’t have any problem with me fancying him, and that he was not in any way uncomfortable with my compliments about him.
“It is almost as if Cartwright has not read any newspaper front pages or watched any television news bulletins for the past two weeks.”
Your readers may be particularly alarmed at your attempt to conflate my homosexuality (and my harmless admiration for young men) with what has been in the news recently – by which I assume you mean the Jimmy Savile scandal. I hardly need to explain the difference: Savile was a predatory paedophile who raped, molested and inappropriately touched, bullied and pressurised several children who were many years under the age of consent. I have never behaved inappropriately towards anyone under the age of consent; I have never had any sexual contact or relationship with any such person, have never had any desire to do so, and would never do so.
I do not even seriously believe that you think I would want to, either. It seems obvious to me that you are trying to use my sexuality in a desperate attempt to damage my campaign, and by extension my qualified support for the Coalition government. I believe that this will be equally obvious to your readers. Someone less laid-back than I am might be tempted to threaten to sue your for libel for your inaccuracies, but I hardly need to do so because your twisting and insinuation are obvious to anyone.
Yours sincerely,
John Cartwright (OMRLP)
“Jake Foushee is 15 and a half, is physically bigger and more mature than average for his age, and is – in other words – over the age of sexual maturity. ”
I dont think it’s his physical maturity that is the issue, John. That said I did feel this article was particularly mean spirited. I mean, yes it’s all a bit tacky but Mr Cartwright isn’t grooming any of these kids or abusing a position where he’s supposed to be in loco parentis or something…
As to Jimmy Savile …well, all that nonsense is still going on, isn’t it? Cut through the bullshit and a lot of people seem to fancy other people who are inappropriately young for them. Watch the X-factor … they wouldn’t allow people to be touched up on camera these days but acts like Justin Bieber are assiduously marketed to women of all ages as sex symbols before they’re 16. Even the Argos ads have a joke about it …which personally I think is tasteless and unfunny but then it must amuse someone because they keep showing it.
But then I thought relaunching the st St Trinian’s films was a bad idea. So what do I know? I mean personally I like women (not girls) and cant see the attraction in those even 10 years younger than me … but there seems still to be a healthy market for it. Remember when the Beatles could sing “she was just 17?” and it sounded innocent? How times change. Still I wouldn’t throw stones at, for example, Andrew Pelling for having married a woman 22 years his junior because, of course, that was alright cus we’re all blokes … and it might have worked…?
I mean this article is a classic nasty political smear … and like most such political tactics I’m sure that, repulsive though it is, it will achieve its aim … which is in it’s self even more repulsive. Of course it will achieve its aim … but the cost of such negative campaigning is it puts ordinary people outside politics more and more off politics, the political class and ultimately voting.
That all said John, you must indeed be autistic to go around telling people you fancy 15 and 1/2 year olds online however indirectly and not see any giant elephant traps waiting to spring on you. It might be true you fancy him but it isn’t very wise to say it. Also I think you should get yourself a boyfriend or something … so you’re autistic? Lot’s of people who are much more severly autistic than you manage to bag themselves someone. Believe me I know I have to deal with lots of autistic … what’s the word that I can use that isn’t the l word…? I must just ring up MIND and check before I dare say anything to find out what word has or has not become taboo today so they’ve made up a new one that’ll be taboo tomorrow instead…
I like John. Where else can you find a loony candidate who worries about splitting the vote? That’s truly funny.