WALTER CRONXITE, our intrepid reporter in the 32in waist Speedos who has a faint whiff of chlorine about him, reports from poolside at the over-priced and poorly finished Waddon Leisure Centre

Only a year after opening, the cracks are beginning to appear in the Waddon Leisure Centre, quite literally

If you ignore the stinking pool of brown water that was in the swimming pool’s Gents for several days last week, the actual building at the Waddon Leisure Centre, which opened last year, isn’t that bad. But you do get the impression that if you shake anything it will break.

My “induction course” at the centre when I signed up for the £44 a month membership (no discount for Croydon Council Tax-payers) lasted about five minutes. The guy showed me how to turn on an exercise bike (though not how to program it). He said, “They’re all basically the same. You need a quid for the lockers.”

And that was it, me thoroughly safety aware and ready to go. I have noticed since that if you’re female and young, the “induction” is a tad more comprehensive.

In the pool area, when the level of the deep end is being altered, the attendants have to utilise a broom handle to wedge the button down. That suggests it is either broken or should be supervised.

I’ve also found that the pool’s advertised closing time may or may not be the actual closing time, dependent on which staff are on duty. It means that if you get there late in the day, after work, and they opt to clear the pool early, then you have been put through a lot of hassle when you might only get 15 minutes in the water.

With one or two exceptions, the staff clearly don’t want to be there and would prefer it if you weren’t either. On the plus side (from a purely selfish point of view), the place is usually half-empty. Perhaps these things are linked?

I expect it’s just me, but the piped music is awful, Abba and Nik Kershaw just don’t motivate me to have a work out.

Finishing on a positive note – Waddon Leisure Centre’s near where I live and I’m only on a monthly contract. So as soon as I can be bothered to cancel my membership, I can join the private gym along Purley Way, which is a tenner a month cheaper.

• Building problems force another closure at Waddon pool
• New Waddon leisure centre is forced to close swimming pool
• Leisure centre opens – and charges locals £44 per month

Coming to Croydon

• David Lean Cinema: Basically Johnny Moped, Mar 27-28
• Crystal Palace Question Time, Mar 27
• Croydon Half-marathon, Mar 30
• David Lean Cinema: 12 Years a Slave, Apr 3
• David Lean Cinema: The Great Beauty, Apr 10
• Norwood Society Talk: Crystal Palace, Apr 17
• David Lean Cinema: Inside Llewyn Davis, Apr 17
• Opening of Marlpit Lane bowling and putting greens, Apr 17
• Arts and Crafts Market, Exchange Square, Apr 19
• David Lean Cinema: Short Term, Apr 24
• Norwood Society Talk: West Norwood – a place of change, May 15
• Croydon RFC charity memorial day, May 17
• Norwood Society Talk: The Concrete Church, June 19
• Crystal Palace Overground Festival, June 26-29
• Norwood Society Talk: War Memorials, Sep 18
• Norwood Society Talk: From Fire Station to Theatre, Oct 16
• Norwood Society Talk: Lambeth’s Archives, Nov 20

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