Things are looking desperate for Prime Minister Theresa Mayhem’s European withdrawal agreement, as she turns to the gaffe-prone former Croydon MP to try to win support. WALTER CRONXITE reports
Theresa Mayhem has made a number of questionable decisions since becoming PM…
According to reports in no less a rag than Her Majesty’s Daily Torygraph, Labour MPs at Westminster are now discovering what the people of Croydon have long known… that Gavin Barwell is a patronising pillock.
The former Conservative MP for Croydon Central, who after the 2017 election was hired as the Prime Minister’s chief of staff, was sent in to the House of Commons last night to give a key briefing to Labour MPs over his boss’s Brexit deal.
“Gavin’s always liked a good PowerPoint presentation,” one source told Inside Croydon. “Trouble is, this was nothing like a good PowerPoint presentation.”
Few MPs bothered to turn up to the specially arranged briefing, held in Committee Room 12 at the Palace of Westminster, where Barwell was accompanied by de facto deputy Prime Minister David Lidington and top Cabinet Office official Jonathan Black.
Barwell, the author of How To Lose A Marginal Seat, spent 28 minutes over his slides and diagrams to explain the near-600-page EU withdrawal document. Barwell then spent half an hour taking questions.
According to the Torygraph today, those who attended said that Barwell “treated us like idiots”.
The session was “pointless” and “utterly shite”. The Torygraph is even reporting that Barwell’s briefing “had actually made them more likely to vote against the deal”.
One Labour MP, Ben Bradshaw, who was unable to attend the meeting, tweeted, “I hear that the Government’s ‘briefing’ of Labour MPs on May’s disastrous withdrawal deal bombed tonight after they thought they could win people over with a PowerPoint presentation.”
Bradshaw placed asterisks either side of the word PowerPoint, as if for emphasis. The derision is clear.
With the Conservative Party once again riven by division over Europe and the DUP in Belfast refusing to back the May agreement, Barwell’s mission was to persuade Labour MPs to vote with the Tory Government in a desperate attempt to get parliamentary approval for the deal.
Barwell’s Brexit briefing offered a pig in a poke
The Politics Home website managed to get a recording of the meeting. These Barwell tapes could become a YouTube sensation, if he ever dares to run for elected office again. Either that, or it could save Armando Iannucci the bother of writing an entire episode of The Thick Of It.
The Northern Ireland backstop, Barwell explained at the meeting in his usual facile style, was “a temporary agreement”.
“You might think this is all a bluff and Parliament can vote it down and they’ll change their minds,” Barwell said. “That’s a judgement for you to make. But the Prime Minister believes this is the best deal that’s available.
“Even if you don’t share her views about exactly what kind of relationship you want, which some of you don’t, I don’t think any reasonable person can say she’s not, with some tenacity, stuck at this to try and get the best relationship that’s available.
“The key thing I would say to you, because it’s obviously one of the things that in the House gets the most attention, is a backstop is going to be required whatever future relationship you want to see. There’s no way around that.”
Barwell was not helped during the session by the news emerging from Washington that the President of the United States, Donald Trump, had claimed that Britain’s withdrawal agreement – what Barwell was calling “the best relationship that’s available” – would in fact make it impossible for the UK to trade with the US. Barwell refused to answer any questions on the President’s latest pronouncement.
During the briefing, one Labour MP openly predicted that the Prime Minister would lose the Commons showdown by as many as 150 votes.
The vote is due to be held on December 11.
Inside Croydon is a member of the Independent Community News Network- Inside Croydon is the borough’s only independent news source. Still here, after eight years, based in the heart of Croydon
- Inside Croydon named Journalist of the Year at 2018 Anna Kennedy Online Autism Heroes Awards
- 1.4 MILLION PAGE VIEWS IN 2017
- ROTTEN BOROUGH AWARDS 2017: Inside Croydon was source for two award-winning nominations in Private Eye magazine’s annual celebration of civic cock-ups
- If you have a news story about life in or around Croydon, a residents’ or business association or a local event to publicise, please email us with full details at inside.croydon@btinternet.com
If you’ve got a problem that no one else can solve, and you can find him, you can hire the B team. Cue the A team music.
Gav psyching himself up to deliver a PowerPoint presentation
i sense a similarity between May pursuing a dead EU “agreement” and Negrini pursuing a “Westfield” scheme that becomes less likely by the day as retail habits show an ever increasing trend to on-line. Negrini says that she is not stupid and has a Plan B but have Gavin and May?
You’ve set out the Labour reaction. Here’s the Tories. The MP for Lewes, Maria Caulfield, said: “It is so disappointing that after Gavin Barwell faithfully promised me and many other colleagues that Number 10 would never try to gain Labour MPs’ support against us as a party, it seems they have gone back on their pledge. Not least because doing so would destroy the government. Yet now Number 10 is trying to do what it swore it never would. No 10’s policy of trying to get BRINO (Brexit in name only) on Labour votes will destroy this government and let Jeremy Corbyn into Downing Street.”
Gavin Barwell’s political career is becoming more temporary by the day. The nations loss will unfortunately be Croydon’s unwanted gain as he returns no doubt with a resignation knighthood in hand for leading the country into complete chaos.
It’s a difficult choice but for the greater good i think Croydon will have to take the hit of having Sir Barwell of Sanderstead back
Don’t worry, the Glee Club will be having palpitations at the thought of getting a Knight Of The Realm to preside over their charitable trusts, governing bodies and communities (sic) consortiums.