Steve Reed OBE to become the next editor of Inside Croydon

Steve Reed OBE, the former deputy chair of Progress and, since 2012, the MP for Croydon North/Lambeth South [delete to taste] is to be the new editor of Inside Croydon, it has been announced today.

The former leader of Lambeth Council will succeed Steven Downes, who is to stand down after a transition period.

Shirley Hills resident Reed is understood to have been inspired to take on an additional zero hours job, on top of his Westminster role, by the multi-tasking Gideon Osborne, the former Tory Chancellor who, after ballsing up the economy, is now going to fuck-up London’s evening newspaper.

Reed may have said: “This is such an exciting and challenging job and I’m thrilled to take it on. Inside Croydon has developed such a reputation, testimony to the hard work of Steven Downes and the impressive team, including specialist correspondents such as Walter Cronxite, Bella Bartock, Jeremy Clackson and Barratt Holmes. I look forward to working with, learning from and leading this team of dedicated amateurs.

“Growing up outside Croydon, I’ve always known that the Inside Croydon is an institution that plays a huge part in the life of the town and its people. Now it is a great honour that I can play a part as leader of the editorial team making Inside Croydon the definitive voice of the capital’s most exciting borough.”

Unlike Osborne, Reed has a relative wealth of previous journalistic experience, having operated the photo-copying machine at a home counties’ magazine publishers during his summer vacation once.

“I am confident I can take on this job with all the success that I have had as MP for Lambeth… err, Croydon. I will continue at all times to remain available to my constituents to attend Progress functions, weddings, bar mitzvahs or constituency party quiz nights,” the MP may have been heard to remark.

Reed’s appointment to run the website comes after an unnamed benefactor carrying a large bag full of developers’ cash, who may have looked like new council spin doctor Julian “Jules” Ellerby, visited Inside Croydon Towers late at night and suggested that the founding editor, Downes, might want to take a sabbatical for an indefinite period.

In a press release dated April 1, it was explained that the transfer to the new editor is to commence when the £1.4billion Westfield redevelopment is completed, or when Paul Scott admits his various conflicts of interest as chair of the council’s planning committee and resigns, or when Alison Butler becomes MP for Croydon Central, whichever is the sooner.