Curtains drawn: the ‘grey curtains of despair’ seem to have got a life of their own, as they impinge on the Whitgift Centre’s walkways
Inside Croydon sent some of our intrepid contributors off on our own version of Destination X: to find MP Sarah Jones’s office armed only with the address as provided on the (unreliable) Croydon Labour website.
Next up to try to survive our ordeal is reader ANNABEL SMITH
Be careful out there: Annabel Smith followed the Whitgift Centre signs, when there were any
Nothing dampens a sunny weekend like a trip to the Whitgift Centre.
Its deserted malls carry the same atmosphere of heavy drama as an empty car park location in an apocalyptic first-person shooter game.
And yet, nothing ever happens here.
Unless you count shop closures and the steady drip-drip progression of accumulating repairs-not-done. As well as situations that require security guards, judging by their ubiquitous presence here.
As a neurotic and aimless schoolgirl in the 1990s, the Whitgift Centre’s hold on the teenaged me was absolute, and providing morsels of respect at school. I shudder at how many more hours I used to spend visiting the Whitgift Centre than with my now-passed grandparents.
Insult upon injury: even the former Superdry store in the Whitgift Centre has a leak now
Croydon West’s MP, Sarah Jones, must have a dry sense of humour. She has four kids, so that’s a given. Her constituency office is somewhere up in the rafters of this, the most morose of public buildings in Croydon. And I have been challenged to find it.
I pass metal shuttering, and empty unit after empty unit. Any businesses still operating, I stop and gape at them in astonishment. They may not be there next week. I feel like I’m watching a play, where all the actors are losing the will to keep acting, and it’s nighttime. Even though it’s actually just 10.30 in the morning.
The website’s Editor gave me the office’s address, taken from the Croydon Labour website. He was being deliberately unhelpful. The address on the website is wrong.
A Whitgift Centre map tells me I need to get to the third floor (not Level 2, as it says on the party’s website). But as I look up, it seems that the roof starts after the second floor.
Finding Suite 2150: the Whitgift Centre’s third floor does actually exist
I’m surprised to see triangles of bright blue sky. As I explore higher, I find there are stairs and escalators leading to nowhere, barricaded by gates, metal barriers and grey plastic curtains. Lots of curtains. The grey plastic curtains of despair.
These grey plastic curtains are starting to impinge on the walkways, of their own volition.
Once furled overhead, they seem now to be freeing themselves from their constraints and edging downwards into the hapless walker’s field of travel. In some half-hearted nod towards health and safety, some have signs stuck to them saying “Mind your head”. But they are hard to miss.
They make the place look like a jungle film set where animators will turn them all into low-hanging vines.
No way up: the Whitgift Centre’s third floor does actually exist. It’s just access routes seem to be all blocked off
I find myself at an entrance to a courtyard – outside, there is a man smoking. “A woman!”, he says, cheerfully. “You are the second person I’ve seen today!”. I wonder if he counted himself as the first. I hurry back inside.
I happen upon a lift, with a sign telling me the toilets are on the third floor. No mention of the Sarah Jones’s office. I take the lift up, now accompanied by a security guard, who may have found my behaviour suspicious.
He breaks the ice by showing me a security industry award he has won.
The security guard tells me he will show me Sarah Jones’s office. He lowers his voice to talk about it, like it’s a state secret.
I feel honoured that I am being allowed to know the secret location of the office of one of Croydon’s MPs. Apparently, the frequency of the MP’s own visits vary, and she only sees constituents by appointment (which is common practice these days). There is a doorbell, although I doubt very much there’s much in the way of members of the public rocking up to have a chat with their MP.
Maybe the bell is there to give her the signal to hide in the stationery cupboard?
My task completed, I feel relief, and a sense of sadness that this place has been so utterly gutted and abandoned, and all the people who still try to make their living here abandoned, too.
Suite mercy: finally, Annabel Smith’s quest is complete
I decide I will skip the toilet, it might be grim in there. I head back down in the lift, as there’s no other way down.
What if the one and only lift breaks? Imagine the headlines if a minister of state was trapped in the roof of the Whitgift Centre? A horrifying thought for us all. I note the phone signal is dodgy up here, too. So the search parties might not find her for days.
Perhaps its time for an office move, Sarah? Croydon Central Library’s third floor is entirely closed off to the public, so that could be a perfect place for you to set up shop.
And you could keep the barricade on the escalator, so no one will ever find you there either.
Read more: Johnny Dobbyn survives a Dawn of the Dead remake
Read more: Ken Towl takes a magical mystery tour around the Whitgift Centre
Read more: David Morgan delves into the Whitgift’s desolate maze
Read more: ‘Permanently closed’: Whitgift Centre works mark end of days
Read more: Westfield boss says Croydon scheme could take 15 more years
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