The much-awaited programme from the Favoured Halls drops into the letter box at Inside Croydon Towers.
What delights await us all in September and October?
What exciting range of entertainment has been arranged for the people of Croydon after the summer arts lull? What new touring productions? Transfers of Edinburgh Fringe successes?
Eagerly, we open up the glossy brochure to discover…
Hats Off to Led Zeppelin: “The Official UK No.1 Tribute to the greatest rock band ever! You’ll feel like you’ve travelled back in time,” they say, not realising that that is precisely what it feels like whenever we enter the Favoured Halls.
Think Floyd Live in Concert: “Now in their 20th year, the new show for 2013 celebrates the 40th anniversary of Dark Side of the Moon… complete with laser light show.” Whoop-de-bloody-whoop-a-do. Has no one considered that many people might prefer to download the real Pink Floyd playing the original music?
Them Beatles: “Experience the UK’s hottest tribute to the ‘Fab Four’ live on stage… an international reputation as one of the top tribute bands in the world with authentic instruments”, it says here, presumably meaning that they use guitars and drums.
One Night of Elvis: for which we should be grateful it is not two nights.
The Doors Experience: “Take a trip back in time”. Again.
And so on, through French Can Can, June Field’s “Evening of Mediumship”, even more tribute acts, some mixed martial arts, and plenty of wrestling.
This is supposed to be the acme of Croydon’s cultural offering, according to Tim Dullard and Cuddly Dudley Mead at the Town Hall. And yet the Dorking-based editor of the Sadvertiser wonders – without a hint of irony over his own decision to move his declining circulation paper’s head office out of the borough – why Croydon appears so high on a list of crap towns.
The London Mozart Players, with which senior Tory councillors Dudley and Margaret Mead have long been connected, are also subsidised by Croydon from our Council Tax. The Mozart Players are due to perform a grand total of three times in the Fairfield concert hall in the whole of September and October. That’s real value for public money, Mr and Mrs Mead, thank you so much.
Clearly, this uninspired combination of tired tribute acts and all-in wrestling at the Favoured Halls is reckoned by the Conservative-controlled council to be well worth the break up of the priceless Riesco Collection of Chinese porcelain, in a pawn-shop sale to plug the gap in the borough’s finances created by Mead, Dullard and their Town Hall mates, as they fork out for new comfy seats in the Halls’ renovations.
Trebles in the VIP gallery all round!
- Arts Council chief says Croydon “short-sighted” on Riesco
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- Council report admits overwhelming opposition to Riesco sale
- Riesco family opposes “unethical” china collection sale
- Inside Croydon: Croydon’s only independent news source that is actually based in the heart of the borough – 267,670 page views Nov 2012-Apr 2013
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