A nun hasn’t made as big an impact in the West End since the first night of The Sound of Music.
Jane Nicholl, of the increasingly notorious South Norwood Tourist Board, arrived outside the London Palladium on Tuesday night in full regalia in the firm conviction that the theatre might need an excorcism after staging An Evening With Jacob Rees Mogg. A bucket of warm water and some disinfectant might have worked just as well.
Nicholl soon attracted a police escort.
Providing a piece of street art without a penny of Arts Council grant, Nicholl assumed the role of Spiritual Leader and Demoniser of Posh Tories, Mother Hysteria.
A quick trip to a joke shop in South Croydon had seen her renew her wimple and replenish her stink bomb supplies, and off she went with a merry crew of anarchic funsters.
While the long queue of Rees Mogg worshippers who had paid up to £35 to witness the latest Palladium pantomime waited to go drool over the supposed wit of their Brexit idol, some grew over-excited by the placards and chants coming from Mother Hysteria and her friends.
They accused her and her Bash Street Kid-themed protestors of being “highly disrespectful to Tory values”. As if.
One Moggite, clearly unfamiliar with geography, screeched, “Go home back over the channel!”
Gammon was in ready supply, with another shouting “Paedo! Paedo!” as if on a loop. “I thought he’d spotted a Catholic priest in the queue,” Mother Hysteria has said.
The constables on duty first asked the ungodly ones to move to the other side of the road, and later tried to arrest Mother Hysteria for the heinous crime of being in possession of… stink bombs.
Much laughter all round – especially when they decided poor Mother Hysteria should be frisked, leading to cries of, “You can’t body search a nun!”
The stink bombs were confiscated and the protestors told that they “will be taken away and destroyed”.
The SNTB is launching a crowdfunding page to pay for new stink bombs.
They’re £1.99 for three, if anyone’s interested.
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