Our Political Editor, WALTER CRONXITE, on a spectacular own-goal by Croydon Tories’ long-standing agent
Number crunching: Coulsdon councillor Ian Parker has been complaining about election expenses
It is said that people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. The aphorism played out at Croydon Conservatives’ HQ at 36 Brighton Road in Purley would see every window smashed – from the inside.
Last week Inside Croydon reported that Tory councillor Ian Parker had levelled accusations of financial impropriety against Ben Taylor, Labour’s candidate for Croydon South in the July 2024 General Election.
Parker has been throwing mud on social media in an increasingly bitter, some might say deranged, personal campaign against Taylor.
“Nosey” Parker has asked about the amounts Taylor’s election agent, Michael Collins, was paid: a mere £672.30, covering the five weeks between May 30, when Parliament was dissolved, and General Election day on July 4.
Parker claims he’s been told by the Electoral Commission that he can report Taylor to the police if he doesn’t get satisfactory answers to his questions. The Commission is the independent body which oversees elections and regulates political spending and donations. They summarise agent and staff costs as “the amount the candidate spent on all paid staff time, including any agent fees”.
Unfortunately for Parker, the agent and staff costs and fees incurred by Chris Philp, the Conservative candidate who defeated Taylor in Croydon South, were less even than Taylor paid, at just £650.92.
And Philp’s agent? Ian Parker, whose register of interests on the council’s website show he is employed by the Croydon Conservative Federation, and his wife by Marks and Sparks.
Elsewhere in the borough, it was a similar story among their losing candidates at the 2024 General Election.
Litter pick: earlier this month, Parker tweeted this pic of him (left) and Taylor (third from right) undertaking community work in Coulsdon for the local residents’ association. It is not known whether Parker attended this volunteer session while being paid by Croydon Tories
In Croydon East, Conservative Jason Cummings had the exact same figure for the same category of expenses, and the same agent – Ian Parker. No other candidate’s agent in that constituency declared any such costs, but Parker hasn’t had a go at Natasha Irons MP – yet.
When contesting Streatham and Croydon North, Parker’s agent and staff fees for the former independent schoolteacher Anthony Boutall were £1,546.08. As with Croydon East, no other candidate had any such costs, and so far there has been no threats by Parker against Steve Reed over the conduct of his campaign.
In Croydon West, Simon Fox, the Tories’ rookie candidate, paid out £1,571.95. Parker was the agent again, but not a squeak from him about Sarah Jones, who held the seat for Labour.
Parker needs to look closely at the Electoral Commission’s figures on every 2024 General Election candidates’ expenses, as should Croydon Conservatives’ leadership.
They’ll find 174 examples of Tory candidates where the agent and staff fees were precisely zero, 20 of whom are now MPs, including two of Philp’s colleagues in the shadow cabinet.
If Parker truly believes in the Croydon Tories’ cost-cutting agenda, he ought to apply it to himself and save his local party more than £4,000 in agent and staff fees, and who knows how much in salary and benefits, by working for nothing.
Or he could offer some explanation over what it is, specifically, that has seen him single out Ben Taylor for special attention.
Read more: Labour polling shows MP Reed more unpopular than Starmer
Read more: Reed took £1,786 football tickets from water company owners
Read more: #TheLabourFiles: MP Reed, Evans and the Croydon connection
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This berk Parker should go back to his old job due to the ineptitude as a Political Agent consistently demonstrated on a recuring basis. Much safer for the Tories if he sticks to saying “Yes M’Lady”.
As Hugh Abbot might have said… “Ian… you just took a shit with your clothes on”
I’d like to thank Councillor Parker for reminding everyone how bent politicians of both main parties are. It’s not even April 1st.
Except he’s done absolutely nothing to demonstrate ‘how bent Labour is.’ All he’s done is thrown out some absurd and baseless allegations in the hope that if his non-story gains traction, the headlines might make Labour look bad enough before next year’s council elections, without anyone checking out the fine print.
Older iC readers (and those who watched repeats channel, That’s TV, before Christmas 2024) might find these antics reminding them of the sitcom, Oh No, It’s Selwyn Froggitt.
The Yorkshire Television series featured the eponymous character, a buffoon employed as a council labourer who somehow manages to become the local working men’s club secretary.
The programme’s theme tune, with lyrics that changed each episode, was written and sung by Bill Dean, backed by the Tony Mansell Singers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l36k-w3rTnU.
You can sing along as a tribute to Croydon’s answer to Selwyn:
Ian Parker is his name, never mind
Voting Tory is his game, never mind
He made a stupid claim
Now it’s him that’s in the frame
And he’s getting loads of blame, never mind
Oh, never, mind.
Magic!
This is a man who is impossible to underestimate.