The drinks are on us: Federation Internationale Pour Lancer de Bière is bringing its 2024 Paris Olympic qualification competition to Croydon
EXCLUSIVE: Despite set-backs and disappointments of council-staged events, a new festival is coming to Croydon ahead of the 2024 Paris Games
Croydon is to stage the prestigious European qualifier for the first-ever Olympic beer-chucking gold medal event later this year.
Boozepark, next to East Croydon Station, is expected to be packed out for the event, which will see competitors battling for the right to go forward to the Paris Games later this year. This is the first time beer-chucking has been a recognised Olympic sport.
Global audience: Croydon is one of five regional qualifiers for the beer-chucking Olympics
The FIPLB – the Lausanne-based Federation Internationale Pour Lancer de Bière – made the announcement this morning, naming Croydon with New York, Rio de Janeiro, Cape Town and Shanghai as venues for the global qualifying events to be staged before the end of May.
“We are delighted to be able to confirm that Croydon will be the venue of our European qualifying round, in this, our inaugural Olympic year,” Witosz Piwowarski, the president of FIPLB, said.
Under International Olympic Committee president Thomas Bach, the Games have looked to introduce a series of new sports, including break dancing, wall climbing, surfing and skateboarding, intended to appeal to a younger audience and replace tired and old-fashioned sports such as the not-so-modern pentathlon, horse dancing and the 50-kilometre strolling race.
A spokesman for Bach said that beer-chucking had been a late addition to the Olympic programme after the IOC chief had seen videos from Croydon’s Boxpark during the football World Cup in 2022.
“If we can harness the exuberance of youth through beer-chucking, then we will be delivering on our promise of legacy for the Olympic Movement into the 21st Century,” the spokesman said, confirming that Bach had been particularly impressed by the role played at the Boozepark venue by Barry off of EastEnders.
“Shaun Williamson will be our special, VIP guest at the Croydon beer-chucking qualifiers,” Piwowarski added, referring to the actor famous to British audiences for his often stilted portrayals in Ricky Gervais comedies and Paddy Power ads.
“The FIPLB has adopted Shaun’s inimitable version of the classic Sweet Caroline as our international anthem of peace and solidarity, and we are very excited that Shaun he be leading the community singing of the Federation’s anthem in Croydon.”
Sources at FIPLB stated that the decision to stage the event in Croydon had had nothing to do with the council, the Borough of Culture or Mayor Jason Perry.
“Even though other events staged in Croydon recently might not have been a success, we are confident that the London stage of our international Olympic qualifier series will be very popular and set the standard for our other competitions.”
Piwowarski said that he and the FIPLB’s ruling council were confident that Mayor Perry would accept their invitation to the Olympic qualifier. “There will be a free lunch on offer,” he said.
Free lunch: Mayor Perry is expected to turn up
The Croydon beer-chucking festival will be staged over three days, and include competitions for men and women in three categories: chucking beer for height (the “high throw”), the target competition (where competitors seek to throw their beer through hoops dangling from the ceiling) and the Victor ludorum of the weekend’s events, the re-catch, where the winner is the thrower who manages to catch the greatest amount of their chucked beer.
“Only a real champion beer chucker can catch more than half of their glass after throwing it over the three-metre threshold,” Piwowarski said. “This is the test of true beer-chucking skill.”
To comply with new IOC regulations on sustainability and zero carbon emissions, specially manufactured recyclable beer beakers will be used in the competition for the first time. Anyone breaking their beaker will automatically be disqualified.
Drug testing, with samples being analysed at the IOC-accredited laboratory at King’s College, London, will also be mandatory for all competitors, for the first time in Boozepark history. Anyone found to have a urine sample with less than 10% alcohol content will also be eliminated from the competition.
“Our rules are strict and very clear,” Piwowarski said. “We will not tolerate any kind of cheating whatsoever. But competitors are expected to drink some of the beer.”
The IOC said today, “The Olympic qualifier series serves as the ultimate qualification stage on the road to Paris 2024 for BMX freestyle, breaking, skateboarding, sport climbing and beer-chucking. In total, over 150 quota places for Paris 2024 will be allocated following the series in accordance with the relevant qualification systems.”
They then went on to describe an over-complicated points-scoring system, based on some kind of algorithm which only six people on the planet might understand. “Points from the qualifiers will be compiled into a ranking for each of the sports that will determine which athletes earn quota places for Paris 2024. The combined points from all competitions will give the final ranking.”
Further announcements are expected to be made soon. “We just need to check a few dates,” said the FIPLB spokesperson.
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ROTTEN BOROUGH AWARDS: In January 2024, Croydon was named among the country’s rottenest boroughs for a SEVENTH successive year in the annual round-up of civic cock-ups in Private Eye magazine
Now that Shaun Williamson is on his way to Croydon can’t he step into the role he was made for. That is being Mayor Perry’s body double. That will enable our illustrous leader the freedom to enter this competition which is made for his natural abilities. Is Inside Croydon starting a book on this so I can take a price for our muddled one to make it all the way to the world finals.
Made me laugh, but you are forgetting IC’s position on gambling – completely verboten