CROYDON IN CRISIS: Tomorrow evening staff at Fisher’s Folly are staging an under-publicised online engagement event where they ask you to ‘Come and have your say!’ It might be an invitation that they regret making.
By KEN LEE, our Town Hall reporter
Graphic appeal: Croydon Council has raided the ‘generic diversity design archive’, not altogether successfully
Yes, you can have your say about how Croydon Council shapes its “Customer Promise”.
What do you mean, you’ve never heard of the council’s “Customer Promise”? Or never knew that there was some means by which you might be able to shape it?
Don’t beat yourself up about it… for while the council goes out of its way to publicise the self-promoting Mayor’s Question Time events, there’s an online public meeting tomorrow over which it has barely made a peep.
There’s nothing about it on the council’s website.
The human dynamos working in the propaganda bunker at Fisher’s Folly have not sent out any kind of press release (or, at least if they did, they didn’t include Inside Croydon on their circulation list).
But apparently, someone at the council wants you to “Come and have your say in helping us shape our Council’s Customer Promise.
“They are our commitments to you, to serve you better.” Which would make a pleasant change…
Part-time Mayor, full-time Tory campaigner: Jason Perry gets paid £82,000, despite having effectively been stripped of executive powers
By “customers”, we are assuming that the council actually means residents, or even Council Tax-payers.
Thanks to Tory Mayor Perry and his side-kick, Jason Cummings, hiking Council Tax in Croydon by 21% since 2023, residents in Croydon now pay the second highest rate of Council Tax in the whole of London.
So it would be nice if they actually got to have some say about how well their council, and the council services that they pay so much for, are being managed.
The council has put out details on EventBrite (yep… not on their own heavily resourced website) for an online Customer Promise event with the council tomorrow, Thursday August 15, from 5pm to 6.30pm.
Unsurprisingly, given that it is Croydon Council, nowhere on the event booking page does the council actually explain what the Customer Promise is. They don’t even provide one of those tiresome weblinks for you to go hunting through the council’s website to discover what the bloody hell it is that they are going on about.
All they say is this: “What is a Customer Promise” Sic. No question mark.
“The Council’s Customer Promise are [sic] our commitments to you, setting out how we will provide excellent customer experience and good services, making sure that all residents are treated with respect.
“In developing the promise we want to listen to you, so that we can understand what we can do better to support you, to shape how we serve you in the future.
“Come and have your say!”
Ahh, its the faux cheeriness of it all that really grates…
They add: “Join us online, meet other residents and simply chat to us and share your thoughts on what you’d like to see as part of the Customer Promise.”
Again, no real explanation of what this “Customer Promise” malarkey is. Perhaps they don’t really know themselves?
Excess Croydon: check out their ‘promises’
We’d like as many loyal readers as possible, who have an hour or so of their lives that they will never get back, to sign up and let the council know what they think… what you really think of the council.
Don’t worry, it won’t cost you anything. With its usual attention to detail, our council has tickets listed as costing “$0.00”.
The EventBrite sign-up page is here: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/croydon-councils-customer-promise-online-event-tickets-965920553377
The last time anyone at Croydon Council bothered to raise anything as bogus as a “promise” to residents was some seven years ago, around the time Jo Negrini was getting stuck into her mission as chief executive to bankrupt the borough.
Since then, little or nothing has been heard about it, as her successor as CEO, Katherine Kerswell (£192,000 per year) and powerless and piss-poor Perry (still getting £82,000 as Mayor despite being stripped of executive powers), have discovered a new mantra, of “doing less for more”. Or something like that.
Little appeal: the council’s little-publicised EventBrite sign-up page
But in the deepest recesses of the council’s website, if you go hunting for “Customer Promise” armed with Google and a cut and paste function, you will find this load of old flannel…
“We want to deliver the best possible customer service to you and to improve your quality of life locally at an affordable cost. We will deliver your services efficiently but should you need to contact us, we will provide a variety of cost-effective channels.” Try not to laugh too loudly.
They say that, “Our commitment sets out the standards of service you can expect from us, whichever service you use.”
They list the following promises:
- You are treated as a valued customer
- We are professional and know what we are talking about
- We are open honest and transparent
- We listen to you and act on what you tell us
- We spend your Council Tax wisely and provide value for money
Off the top of your heads – how many of you would score Croydon Council as achieving more than 0/5 of those promises?
They also say: “We would also encourage you to give us your comments and ideas so that we can continue to improve your experience. You can do this by going to our customer engagement platform.”
They provide a link to the “customer engagement platform”, which turns out to be a web page full of details of mainly past public consultations, with nowhere readily to submit any comments or ideas “so that we can continue to improve your experience”. It being Croydon Council, you would surely expect nothing less.
Among the many vacuous undertakings included among this load of old tosh, the council says, “When you phone us, we will always take ownership of your query, advise you of the best channel and quickest outcome specific to your query.” In fact, what they mean by this is that they will direct callers to log-in and handle all their council business online. Even those who don’t have internet access, or who can’t use the computers at their local public library because it is closed five days each week.
They say: “When you phone our contact centre, we will maintain a minimum customer satisfaction level of 95%.” Hmmm…
They also undertake to provide a response to emails “within two working days… and a written response to all standard enquiries and requests within 10 working days”.
Now here’s a real rib-tickler: “Our letters and emails will be written in plain, clear language so that it is easy for you to understand and will be clear of our proposed actions and expected timescales.”
And when you make a complaint: “We will contact you promptly if you have raised any concerns about our service and you can expect a written response within 20 working days from receipt of your complaint.
“We will apologise and do our best to put things right as quickly as possible whilst handling all complaints professionally and politely. It is also important that we tell you of the next steps should we be unable to resolve your query.”
Customer satisfaction: CEO Katherine Kerswell, on £192,000 per year, has increased the number of director-level staff at the cash-strapped council
Under the heading of “We are open, honest and transparent”, Croydon Council says, “We will tell you who is dealing with your enquiry, how long we expect to take and let you know of any issues along the way. We will be honest and open when we cannot provide you the service you want and give you the reasons why.”
And, especially given everything that has happened with the local authority since 2020, they say: “We spend your Council Tax wisely and provide value for money.” Oh, bliss…
“How are we performing?” the council asks.
Now who do you think might be the best judge of that? According to Croydon Council, it is Croydon Council.
“It is important that we tell you how are performing against our promises.” Yeah, right.
Nowhere do they undertake to publish on their own website, in one, readily accessible section, full reports of findings from various watchdogs and agencies, such as the Local Government Ombudsman, the Housing Ombudsman or Ofsted. In 2023-2024, Croydon Council was among the 10 local authorities in the country to have the most complaints upheld against them by the Ombudsman. But the council has never published or made available to the public – “customers” – any of these findings.
Wonder why?
As we said earlier, we’d like as many readers as possible to sign up and let the council know what they think… what you really think of the council. And then get back to us with your thoughts and observations about this whole, under-publicised exercise.
The EventBrite sign-up page is here: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/croydon-councils-customer-promise-online-event-tickets-965920553377
Read more: Council chief Kerswell has doubled up on £140,000+ executives
Read more: More than 200 families split up by council’s housing department
Read more: Perry’s ‘sale’ of Coulsdon flats will cost Croydon £60million!
Read more: Mayor sneaks in night-time parking charges across borough
Read more: £603,000: the soaring costs of Croydon’s ‘improvement’ panel
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Not around on Thursday but can’t wait to hear about the much-deserved mauling they get!
Think you mean, “To hear about the constructive criticism and suggestions from concerned members of the public.”
Why is the Council so slow at dealing with problems? And lack of finance is not the answer. Regina Road for example – that has been a thorn for many years. A total lack of oomph.
Croydon Arena – a white elephant in their eyes which they wanted to sell off at one stage and wanted Croydon to merge with Wandsworth & Norwood. The upgrade of the late eighties/early nineties was ill-thought-out and appears to have been driven by a senior Harrier without consultation with the football club’s elderly chairman.
A problem occurred with the stand several years ago and they affixed no entry tape. When the Council awoke from its slumber and did eventually get round to sending someone to check it out, that person threw a wobbly and declared the whole stand unsafe!
It enabled our glorious Mayor to claim that he had been the person who got the stand reopened. He hasn’t. It’s still closed. And furthermore, what of the damaged seats? They haven’t come about during football fixtures, more when schools events are held there. When will they be replaced?
The stand, for all its faults, is the one redeeming feature of the stadium. It’s the one place that one can get a decent view – albeit from too far away – of the action.
I’ve signed up. The term ‘customer’ is so wrong – that implies our freedom to shop around. But we can’t – we’re stick here! These ‘promises;’ are all standard local government speak – all use the same bizarre language and, as you so eloquently make clear, it’s all just words.
Enjoy your meeting! But I warn you: take small change, you’ll probably have to pay for coffee and be ready to participate in a non-dialogue. All standard staff answers, and that’s all you’ll get, will have been rehearsed and rehearsed a million times. No one will actually listen to you and no one will expect you to believe a word you hear. It’s a masque, a play, a farce too poor even for the Whitehall. if His Honour, our Glorious Glorious Elected Mayor, is there he will beam at you like a demented lighthouse, spout platitudes, pat himself on the back for a range of unfulfilled promises and exit left reading balance sheets from his own businesses so as not to waste time.
Write up your experience for Inside Croydon, and make your debut as a correspondent for our borough’s most esteemed organ
You are Croydon’s Banksy. Mysterious enigmatic and close to IC’s inner circle
Don’t put your personal data in… it’s likely this is the free version of Eventbrite, which means your information will be used for all sorts of wonderful things as per THEIR ‘customer promise’. If I was still there I’d have vetoed the use of this…
Applied for this at 03:20 this morning (yes really early). I get the email saying “you have tickets”. Now at 16:10 I get an email from croydon.gov.uk as per below.
Hysterically strange. Is someone at Croydon pruning people out of the invite?
==================
Thank you very much for your interest in attending our engagement session on the customer promise.
We are really sorry but tonight’s event is already at capacity, so we are unable to have you join us on this occasion. There will be further opportunities for you to input into our customer promise at a future date, and we will publicise these through the council’s communication channels.
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Even stranger – my ticket is still there in Eventbrite. So their 3rd party platform says I have a ticket; but Croydon Gov is sending emails out saying that they’re oversubscribed and I can’t attend. Such wonderful event mis-management. Everything we’ve come to expect from our wonderful council.
Clearly the early bird doesn’t always get the worm.
Something similar happened to me. I applied at 7.47! and got the confirmation optimistically called ‘You’ve got tickets’! Then, when I tried to join, a bit late admittedly, an email appeared (timed this afternoon) saying they were oversubscribed. Frustrating for this 72 year old long-time Croydon resident. Had the same problem trying to get a Taylor Swift ticket. Boo
Hmmm.
Wonder how many constitutes “full”?
EventBrite usually runs quite smoothly, and when it reaches capacity (as set by the organisers) it does not accept any further applications. So yes, most odd that it should accept and that the council should email you subsequently.
Suffice to say, we look forward to detailed feedback on the (non-)event from all our loyal readers. Sorry… “customers”.
Don’t panic Tim. Our church uses Eventbrite without all our money being stolen. I use it and have no problems. Take the tinfoil hat off.
I signed up too and got a confirmation email at 7pm last night. But I got another one at 3.48pm this arvo, saying that it is already fully booked and I can’t go. It looks like the cretins at Croydon Council are running scared…………!?! Will anyone be allowed to attend (in 45 mins. today) and report back on the council’s lies and excuses !?!
I’m another one who signed up, got a confirmation email, then this afternoon received an email from the Customer Experience Team to say the event is already at capacity‽ Bonkers.
It would actually be interesting to know of the capacity to which they allude when they say its full.. It could be anything from 2 to 200.
Knowing the Council I suspect it is the former. Less trouble that way!
Or perhaps 3 to 300 which would allow for a majority vote. Could we find out via FOE?
I suspect that the whole thing is just a another typically badly managed cynical PR exercise than any real form of consultation, commitment or connection.
The LEA for which I worked for many years would have organised more space to cope with demand or immediately arranged for a repeat in the event of over-demand. The difference is that that LEA believed it was in the service of the residents and ratepayers and not, as Croydon clearly sees it, the other way round.
Croydon’s management mantra clearly comes from a highjly successful manual on mushroom cultivation, and I quote: The way to assured success with mushrooms (i.e.residents and Council Tax payers)is to keep them in the dark as far as possible and feed them nothing but bullshit.
It is well practisfed by our Gracious, Great Elected Mayor. His Honour is clearly a competent mushroom farmer!
I’m not one of the tinfoil hat brigade, but I wonder if the ‘Customer Engagement’ team cross-check applicants with IC loyalists? We know they follow Croydon’s premier News Engagement Channel, so it makes sense. Or does it?
Was anyone enough of a friend of Piss Poor Perry (does he have ANY friends?) to get let in to the council’s “fully booked” “Customer Promise” event? I guess fewer than 10 people were allowed so that the smug council could end the event an hour early at 5.30pm, and conclude that everyone likes what we are doing/not doing?
No room at the Inn for me.
No Room at the Inn……and where are you going to find 3 Wise Men in Croydon? True, there’s Steve, me and Jerry…but we’re all too busy.
Inside Croydon is awash with loyal readers who are also experts on every effing subject under the sun
“Crowdsourcing” can take many forms, Christopher.