Katherine Kerswell’s council is spending money on a ‘special’ awards event, while at the same time preparing to close libraries and children’s nursery schools, and looking at another round of redundancies. By KEN LEE, Town Hall reporter

Echoing the terrified small girl in the horror movie Poltergeist, Croydon Council’s internal comms department issued a message to all staff this afternoon: “They’re back!”

But this was no timorous warning of a spooky presence.

Just a heads up of the latest distraction for staff at the cash-strapped council, ahead of closures to public libraries and nursery schools, as well as the inevitable next round of redundancies that are sure to be built in to the current budget-setting process.

The coming budget is likely to be harsher than all othrs, since Katherine Kerswell, the £192,000 per year chief executive, and £82,000 per year executive Mayor Jason Perry, discovered that they’d completely lost control of spending in this financial year. Last time they looked, they were running £42million over budget.

“Back with a bang…,” today’s cheery memo chirped, “the Croydon Council Awards!” They do like their exclamation marks in Fisher’s Folly.

“We are officially back and we’d love you to get involved,” the internal round-robin says.

“Following a successful re-launch and an overwhelming number of entries for the 2024 ceremony, nominations are now open for 2025,” it continued. It is getting increasingly difficult to recognise what “successful” means for the six-figure execs who work for the council. For some, getting through the working day without soiling themselves might be a start…

Bigger slice: Mayor Jason Perry likes cake

Under the heading “What’s new”, there’s no mention of a fourth Section 114 notice.

Instead there’s this: “We’re building on last year’s programme, adding extra categories to recognise more of our incredible officers and teams. New categories have been chosen to reflect council priorities, and as a chance to showcase even more great work from across the council.”

The categories listed include “Residents First – demonstrating how residents have been listened to, put first and delivered a first-class and sustainable service”. This may have a very small field of entries.

“Pride in Croydon – is a piece of brilliant work showcasing the best Croydon has to offer and putting pride back into the borough.” Odds-on favourite is any event at which Mayor Perry gets a large slice of cake.

“Unsung Hero – outstanding work behind the scenes, essential to keeping the council moving but not on the front-line.” Hmmm. Is Katherine Kerswell allowed to nominate herself?

And there are new categories (“some of you might recognise these from pre-pandemic times”, they say, with a kind of faux cheerfulness that is always unsettling).

“Transforming Croydon“, we are told, “recognises these efforts to transform our council, from using better technology to closer engagement with residents and everything in between”. This from a council that has just spent the thick end of £1million on six months’ work for consultants to tell them that their website is a bit crap.

Then there’s the “Leadership Award“. Has Kerswell and her corporate directors crew had this included deliberately, to see who nominates them? “Recognising outstanding leadership in Croydon, whether it’s strong project leadership, bringing colleagues together or exceptional people management”. Ahhh… people management. Remember that?

Having a Mayor: the council awards offers the opportunity for staff to meet Mayor Perry. Which might explain why so many stayed away this year

Kerswell’s weekly waffle email includes something called a “Shout Out”, drawing attention to people who are… doing their jobs. She once chose the council car park attendant, but only after she had had a minion scuttle off to find out what the attendant’s name was.

Now, this is to be formalised into an actual award, the “One Team” award, “Selecting from our brilliant shoutouts we receive in the 2024 calendar year, there will be one overall Shout Out of the Year”. How lovely and patronising, in true Kerswellian style.

And the email continues to gush: “So, that’s a whopping eight categories in total!” There’s that exclamation mark again!

“There are plenty to choose from and many options if you want to submit a nomination. Right, let’s get nominating!”

“Winners will be announced at an special [sic… looks like someone inserted the word ‘special’ without editing the sentence] awards ceremony at Braithwaite Hall in March 2025.” No mention of who the start turn presenter might be… Jim Bowen? Bruce Forsyth? Bernard Manning? Jason Perry?

And then, right at the end, there’s a special note: “Funded by sponsorship: The 2025 programme will be funded by external partners. Spending will be at no cost to the taxpayer.”

Hurrah!

Except, that’s not really true.

For there to be commercial sponsors for the Croydon Council Awards, someone at the council, maybe more than one person, must have gone out and engaged with these “external partners”, and done a bit of a sales job. That will have taken some time – possibly quite a lot, it is hardly an easy “sell”, after all. That’s time when they might have been doing something more useful. And time that will have been paid for by the taxpayer.

And it prompts a reasonable question: is raising sponsorship for internal council awards really the best use of that time and money?

Are there not a hundred and one things in and around the council, and in and around the borough, where even a modest amount of commercial sponsorship cash might be put to a better use?

For a start: how about a canopy to be used in Queen’s Gardens, for the nice people at Croydon Nightwatch when they run their nightly soup kitchen?

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