WALTER CRONXITE, political editor, on the latest flailing efforts of one of Croydon’s third-rate councillors to grab bigger and better things (for himself, of course)
Trying again: not-so-super Mario Creatura
The Last Chance Saloon has a new bar room bore, as Coulsdon councillor Mario Creatura puts himself forward yet again for selection as a candidate for what appears to be a “safe” Conservative parliamentary seat.
This time, it is the poor people of Epsom and Ewell who the former gobby fac totum to Gavin Barwell is seeking to charm into choosing him as their parliamentary candidate, as Chris “Failing” Grayling has decided he’s made enough of a mess of the country and so won’t be seeking to continue as an MP at the next General Election.
At least this time, Creatura has managed to scrape his way onto the selection shortlist ahead of a Conservative Party local meeting tonight, although his focus on furthering his own political ambition probably means that work for the people of Coulsdon Town, who elected him to represent them, is yet again taking a bit of a back seat.
Having literally moved house and home over the county border in his desperation to become a Tory MP, Creatura was snubbed by his fellow local party members in Reigate and Banstead, who didn’t even put him forward on their shortlist.
Some had probably already encountered the oleaginous twerp and reached their own conclusions about his qualities. Or lack of them. Others had just read all about his previous stunts, when working for Barwell and during his time as a Spad in Downing Street, possibly some of the coverage that has appeared on the pages of Inside Croydon.
The way Creatura has been cold-shouldered by his Croydon Conservative colleagues, and kept at arm’s length from any of the top Town Hall cabinet roles since his disastrous campaign in 2019 when he was their parliamentary candidate for Croydon Central, cannot have gone unnoticed.
Hat trick: Creatura’s up against the formidable political thinker Mhairi Fraser
It is not known whether Creatura’s previous support for the dodgy cult-like SPAC Nation church was raised at his interview in the Epsom and Ewell selection process.
It might be entertaining were it to be put to the wannabe MP at tonight’s selection meeting.
Grayling has been Epsom’s MP since 2001 and had a near-18,000-vote majority ahead of the LibDems in 2019 (making it the 248th safest seat in the country, according to official House of Commons figures).
The always reliable Michael Crick reckons that tonight’s three-person shortlist in Epsom is a bit of a push-back by local Tories, angry that Conservative Party officials tried to parachute-in two sitting MPs: Andy Carter (Warrington South) and Jamie Wallis (Bridgend).
“I‘m told the Epsom and Ewell association were so angry on Saturday about Conservative HQ foisting two displaced sitting MPs on their long list that they retaliated by giving them zero votes each,” Crick tweeted from his very followable TomorrowsMPs Twitter/X account.
So it could very well be that Creatura is only on the Epsom shortlist because he does not have the seal of approval from Tory grandees.
Creatura will be going up against Mhairi Fraser, a solicitor who was “strategy director” for Conservative Young Women and, like Creatura, has worked in the Commons and been a losing parliamentary candidate (Coatbridge, Chryston and Belshill, 2015). She may also harbour some extreme, Trumpian views.
The third person on the shortlist is Belfast-raised former British Army officer Ed McGuinness, who now works for merchant bankers JP Morgan, and who has also experience of losing elections (Hornsey and Wood Green, 2019).
What a dismal choice, eh?
Read more: Creatura AWOL from cabinet as wannabe MP goes partying
Read more: Finally, Coulsdon’s Tory councillor Creatura cuts before he runs
Read more: Creatura hands Edwards front-row seat for Fairfield by-election
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Blimey what a Hobson’s choice for the Epsom & Ewell Tories, but they have tolerated probably one of the most incompetent politicians ever seen in British politics for so long and can sort the wheat from the chaff of anyone who remotely demonstrates any competent political ability and select the completely half-arsed. Is there anywhere I can place a last minute bet on Creatura?
YouGov’s latest poll, which predicts amongst other things that Chris Philp will be out on his arse, says that Epsom & Ewell will fall to the LibDems. It’s therefore very unlikely that the local Tories would be stupid enough to trust their candidacy with that prize wally Creatura. That would be something certain to remove any hope of them keeping their area blue