It was a big night at the Fairfield Halls on Saturday, with Dara Ó Briain, one of the biggest stand-up acts around, performing in front of a full house.
KEN TOWL fills in the venue’s audience feedback form
Big name, big show: Dara Ó Briain performed to a Croydon full house on Saturday. But there’s only one other comedy act booked at the Fairfield Halls before November
The minute the show at the Fairfield Halls ended (10.16pm on Saturday), my phone buzzed as I received an email that thanked me for attending and breathlessly expressed the hope that I had “enjoyed seeing Dara Ó Briain: Re:Creation”.
It went on, exhorting me not to “be shy”, but rather to “tell us what you think in 60 seconds. We’d love to know what you thought of Fairfield Halls. Be honest, we’re always looking for new ways to create memorable experiences”.
What I thought of Fairfield Halls, rather than Dara Ó Briain? The venue rather than the performer? And I have to do it in 60 seconds?
OK, Fairfield Halls, I’ll tell you what I think, but you’ll have to be patient.
First, I’m going to dedicate a little more than 60 seconds to the star attraction.
Ó Briain, who famously looks a lot like the big cartoon bus driver who adorns the side of every Megabus, is big, and a bit of a coup for the Fairfield Halls, which he filled, of course. He is also big and tall, and a fair amount of the humour was self-deprecating stuff about his height and his weight that helped to set up an air of empathy that suited what became a very personal story, in the second half of the show, about his adoption and search for his natural parents.
Much of the first-half involved engagement with a couple of families in the front row, the schtick for which he is rightly very highly regarded. It was a privilege, Fairfield, since you ask, to see a comic at the top of his game, spinning humour out of improvisation and callbacks with a velocity that forced every member of the audience to focus their minds so as not to miss a line.
And all of this was tempered by a humanity that never once threatened to embarrass or humiliate his targets. You knew, of course, he could if he wanted to, and that’s where the edginess was.
The stitching between the ad libs and the prepared material was invisible, and when we got to the second, more introspective and personal, half of Re:Creation that Ó Briain’s surgical exposure of family relationships via his audience interactions took on another layer of meaning.
One of my favourite jokes was during his reference to his own height, when he said that one of the main causes of death for tall men was… being hit in the head by a bus wing mirror. Those of us of greater than average height (I am 6ft 3in) fell about with laughter. But this wasn’t the punchline, merely the set-up.
Shorter people, Ó Briain claimed, never got this joke. “It just goes ‘whoosh’,”, he said, as he mimed something going over his head.
He then went on to explain (presumably for the benefit of his shorter audience members) that in Scunthorpe, nobody had “got the double meaning of the joke”. In fact, Scunthorpe was the butt of many of his jokes, Croydon only one.
All right, Fairfield, I’ll tell you what he said about Croydon.
So, the last time he toured, he did this thing where he hung his jacket on a chair on the stage and, at the end of the show, left it there on the chair, and walked off to thunderous applause. After a minute, he would come back on, as if in gratitude for an appreciative audience, collect his jacket and walk off again.
Paying tribute: when it comes to modern, popular music, the Fairfield Halls’ offer is not very original. And it’s not just Mike Oldfield who won’t be appearing…
When he tried this in Croydon, he came back on and the jacket had been nicked.
So far, so Croydon. But the story didn’t end there.
As if to be more conciliatory, Ó Briain went on to relate how his management had received a phone call from the apparently remorseful Croydon thief who had apologised and said he would return the jacket if Ó Briain would create a message for his mate, who was about to get married.
Ó Briain’s response. “Tell them to fuck off – I don’t negotiate with terrorists!”
I digress, Fairfield. After all, you didn’t ask me about Dara Ó Briain, you asked me what I thought about Fairfield Halls, and you asked me to be honest because you are always looking for ways to create memorable experiences. So, I’ll be honest. After all, I am always looking for memorable experiences.
You pulled off quite a coup getting Dara Ó Briain to come to Croydon, especially since his jacket was stolen here. And you have the very funny Russell Kane headlining another comedy night on March 6. So, yeah, comedy, not bad at all, although after Kane, the Hall’s next comedy booking is not until… November.
Music, though?
Again, the classical stuff, you do pretty well.
Those London Mozart Players do a lot of the heavy-lifting and your acoustics in the Concert Hall bring out the best in any orchestra. And you’ve got Carmen: Ellen Kent’s Farewell Opera Tour coming up at the end of this month. That’s definitely something to look forward to.
Better in Bexhill?: why can the De La Warr Pavilion offer more original acts than Croydon?
But popular music? To be honest (and that’s what you asked for), I look at your schedule and I despair. Tribute band after tribute band. A tribute to Queen (February 7). A tribute to Tubular Bells (“PLEASE NOTE – MIKE OLDFIELD DOES NOT APPEAR AT THIS EVENT”) (February 26). A tribute to Bob Marley (February 27; there’s no note to confirm that Bob Marley won’t be appearing at this event). A tribute to George Michael (March 13). And so on…
In the most literal sense, the only real thing you’ve got in the popular music category is The Real Thing, who are touring to celebrate 50 years of their No1, “You To Me Are Everything”. No doubt, they will play “Can You Feel the Force?” too.
But where are the other music acts that are touring over the next months? And any that have had a hit more recently than the 1970s? Not chez vous, Fairfield.
If I want to see more artists-that-play-medium-sized-venues, I have to look further afield than Fairfield.
Down on the coast, in Bexhill-on-Sea, they don’t depend on end-of-the-pier tribute acts.
The last time Wilko Johnson toured, I saw him in Bexhill. He wasn’t at the Fairfield. When Sparks toured a couple of years ago, I saw them at Bexhill because the last time they played the Fairfield was 1975, the year before The Real Thing got to No1.
If I want to see Lucinda Williams next Saturday, rather than a Freddie Mercury impersonator, I will have to go to the De La Warr Pavillion in Bexhill. Likewise, If I want to see The Cowboy Junkies.
So, to answer your questionnaire, Fairfield, my advice would be to raise your game on your bookings. Don’t rely on copy-cat acts.
Be more like Bexhill. Start booking the real things, as well as The Real Thing.
More by Ken Towl:
- The Sweet Science will be landing a blow for women’s cause
- PANTO WARS! Which is the Beauty? And which is the Beast?
- Coombe Lodge open at last, but it doesn’t seem quite finished
- Intriguing secret societies offer more than conspiracy theories
PAID ADS: To advertise your services or products to our 10,000 weekday visitors to the site, as featured on Google News Showcase, email us inside.croydon@btinternet.com for our unbeatable ad rates
- If you have a news story about life in or around Croydon, or want to publicise your residents’ association or business, or if you have a local event to promote, please email us with full details at inside.croydon@btinternet.com
As featured on Google News Showcase
- Our comments section on every report provides all readers with an immediate “right of reply” on all our content. Our comments policy can be read by clicking here
ROTTEN BOROUGH AWARDS: In January 2026, Croydon was named among the country’s rottenest boroughs for an EIGHTH time in nine years, in Private Eye magazine’s annual round-up of civic cock-ups
- Inside Croydon is a member of the Independent Community News Network
Spot on re: tribute acts. Great in moderation, but shouldn’t be all there is. I stayed in Hastings before the half marathon there a couple of years ago and Robert Plant was on at the White Rock Theatre next door the night before. Not a tribute, the real thing and he was seen about town in the market in the afternoon. My first thought was, that wouldn’t have happened in Croydon. The Fairfield wouldn’t have booked him and there’s nowhere to shop now!
I strongly agree. Croydon is such a great place for transport links so I can’t understand why we can’t get the music acts there. I would appreciate more touring theatre too.
Looking at the “what’s on” page on the website the Fairfield looks to be basically taking anything that wants to go there*
And if the only acts they can get is tribute acts or darts or wrestling then so be it. Some people might not like it but others will. Management would be derelict in its financial duty to turn down a booking just because it’s a tribute act etc.
It has staff and bills to pay and beggars often can’t be choosers.
* venues basically operate on two models. They either hire the venue out to a promoter for a fixed fee and the promoter bears the risks of making a loss or profit or the venue buys in the show for a fixed fee and the venue bears the risk of making a profit or loss.
I remember many years ago the council run theatre time being castigated at the waste of rate payers money when only half a dozen tickets
This is the same Fairfield Halls, owned by Croydon Council, which has had more than £70million spent on it to update the venue so it can stage the biggest, most in-demand acts available, right, Chris?
The same Fairfield Halls that cannot even match the De La Ware Pavilion for its performers?
The same Fairfield Halls which has made it financially unattractive for community and local arts companies to stage their shows at the venue?
A large part of the £70m spend went on creating a medium-sized new venue, The Wreck. The resident theatre company barely ever performs there, and it is not used for live bands or comedy nights.
The Fairfield Halls has had a tough decade, from the two-year closure for the scandal of a refurbishment, followed by a year’s closure for covid. To thrive, it needs to be bringing in large audiences every week, preferably most nights, to put money over the venue’s bars or spend in its restauants.
To do that, it needs an artistic director with vision and imagination who is actively signing up the sort of acts that people want to see, encouraging touring rep theatre to return to the Ashcroft Theatre once again, working out a programme for The Wreck. It is not something that can just drift and be left to chance.
Yes I agree it can’t just drift but it comes down to how the Halls are marketed and attracts acts – whether its concerts, plays, opera and even darts and wrestling etc etc etc
And that’s down to the company that operates it and it’s as much their failing as it is the councils.
And even with the most imaginative marketting they are still reliant on who is willing to pay to book the venue and if they can bring in the punters (that yes also spends at the bar etc)
But as I said above it seeems to be a venue that takes what it can get in terms of bookings.
Sad.
The council appointed the venue management, but went with leisure centre operators rather than a recognised arts or theatre group, to save £1m per year. No one considered the annual lost revenues and the cost of a squandered reputation.
The venue makes the bookings. If acts don’t want to play there any longer, then the venue owners – the council – needs to ask why.
Robert Plant!!! Waay too cool and talented for Fairfield. Mind you, what’s the White Rock Theatre? Is it anything like the world famous Boston Gliderdrome?
Why doesn’t Fairfield attract the kind of musical acts mentioned? Maybe because when Francis Rossi was invited to tour the venue and suggest the sort of improvements required to enable big(ish) bands to play there, every one of the things he pointed out was completely ignored when the ‘refurbishment’ was undertaken. The need for better load-in and load-out facilities was a key point; as I understand it, that need was not addressed. If bands can’t get their kit in and out, they won’t play the venue.
Spot on. And all achieved at a cost of £70m.
Guess where Francis Rossi is playing on 10 November!
Is he doing it again, and again, and again, and again…?
Ooops, forgot to congratulate Ken Towl for this witty review. Great job. I saw Ó Briain at the Blackheath Comedy fest a coupld of years ago and the material you mention is familiar, butr still clever and funny.
I remember the days when rock fans like me were almost spoiled for choice in Croydon with the Fairfield Halls and The Greyhound opposite putting on top line rock bands every week. Now there is sweet b…… all, uness you want to see those bloody tribute bands that you mentioned. Croydon is a desert for rock fans and fans of good jazz, blues, folk etc. Where have all the good times gone?
Oh dear, David. Haven’t you been reading the listings advertised on Inside Croydon?
For while the “Culture Quarter” around the Fairfield Halls may have become a cultural desert for fans of contemporary music, there are green shoots elsewhere, and some pretty well-established bushes of activity, too.
The jazz club at the Croydon Clocktower continues to draw dedicated fans every Thursday lunchtime.
The Croydon Blues and Jazz Club at Ruskin House has live music most weeks, often on more than one evening.
There’s Riff Raffs on George Street, as we recently featured.
And The Oval Tavern has a varied and vibrant programme of live music almost every night, including Blues on Sunday afternoons/evenings, and all of it is FREE!
And not a tribute band in sight… All of them demonstrating the art of the possible.
Thanks, I should have mentioned I don’t drink and I don’t like pubs so that does limit my choice of venue, ok there may be some light frothy type music at the Fairfield, I don’t bother with the listings, but I’m talking about serious rock music by original bands, Fairport, Cowboy Junkies, that sort of thing, I do accept that most of the bands I like are probably too big for Croydon or too old to play! Where does an old, non drinking “hippy’ go in Croydon these days to get a music buzz, man?
The Clocktower Cafe.
Ruskin House.
The Oval Tavern.
You don’t have to drink.
“Too big for Croydon”? Hmmm. Tony Hall made a valid point previously about the Fairfield Halls, and the failure to update the access and back-stage areas for modern bands (they are still using a 65-year-old stage lift), despite spending £70million on the refurbishment.
For £70million, you could have change left over from building a new arts complex…
The Fairports remain, to this day, a viable touring, and recording, band. In days not too far past, Fairfield was a regular stop on their annual spring tour – for which they’re limbering up as we speak – but that’s no longer the case. They’re playing the north of the capital but for any unwilling to cross the Thames a trip to East Grinstead is the closest alternative to Croydon. Such a shame.