In case there was any lingering doubt about the corporatism which is taking over central Croydon, you might want to cough up nearly 70 notes for the “opportunity” to “enjoy” an “exclusive” lunch to hear a property speculator give “his vision for Croydon”. And you might even be able to “voice your opinion”.If the previous paragraph has offended your bullshit detector, please don’t blame iC, but take up the matter with the Croydon Chamber of Commerce and Industry.
Under the heading, “CCCI Executive Club Lunch: A Futuristic Development Plan for Croydon”, they are flogging tickets for £68 (including VAT, which most attendees will doubtless reclaim as a “business expense”) for a boozy lunch at the Hallmark Hotel (that’s Croydon Aerodrome on Purley Way) on May 12, where the main speaker is David Hudson, the principal of Guildhouse Rosepride, the developers who are building a 69-storey tower on Wellesley Road.
“Icon” is one of those words which PR bullshitters have discovered and now use remorselessly about anything and anyone. But never about icons. Its misuse should be a warning to all to distrust anything which follows.
So beware, then, the Croydon CCI as it entices its members and others to this month’s “networking” lunch. For they reach for the icon from the start: “The iconic One Landsdowne Road skyscraper is just one of developments being planned by Guildhouse Rosepride LLP.”
That’s the towering edifice which includes in its plans a sky-high swimming pool between buildings – not an original idea, and quite expensive to engineeer, so potentially the first thing the developers will jettison when they look to cut costs. But the sky pool will have already attracted a few headlines to their publicity hungry scheme by then, so job done…
The CCCI lunch announcement does include a splinter of information about a long-neglected corner of Croydon: “Their plans include bringing the historic Pump House back to life as a tech hub and creating a Covent Garden-style events space in Croydon’s Old Town.”
A tech hub? Isn’t the council already giving away two floors of public office space for one of those? And an events space? Another one? Has anyone mentioned this to Hammersfield? Or Ruskin Square? Or Saffron Square?
The Chamber of Commerce bods do helpfully add: “You will also have the opportunity to ask any of your questions and voice your opinion.” Provided you fancy stumping up the 68 quid, of course.
Not that it will make any difference to the developers’ plans, or profits.
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