That was the sensation of property prices in Croydon jumping another one, two, even 10 grand following the latest visit from that estate agents’ wet dream which is Channel 4’s Location, Location, Location.
In the past week alone, Inside Croydon Towers has been deluged with those little cards from four different estate agencies, offering a free valuation of our stately pile if only we consider putting it on the still over-heated market. But with property prices in London rising, we are told, by £4,500 per week, why sell now? This time next year, Rodders…
This is the 20th series of the programme, which has an enduring fascination for home-owners and home-seekers, somewhat like that of a moth to a naked flame.
In Thursday’s episode, Krustie Allstropp, who some might suggest has an expanding portfolio of her own, wandered the streets of Addiscombe and West Croydon gushing about the area in a manner not heard since Jonny Rose and Anne Piles first gazed into each other’s eyes over coffee at the Glee Club.
This week’s programme is available on C4’s catch-up service for you to judge for yourselves, but we took away a few points of note…
- With its rail links from East Croydon and the speedy Overground at West Croydon, plus the Tram, in many ways Croydon is actually better served for public transport than Brixton, which was the other location being considered this week, and where a couple was seriously considering paying £500,000 for a ONE. BEDROOMED. FLAT. What kind of madness is this?
- Flat prices in Croydon as viewed by the programme were roughly half those of similar properties being considered in what was portrayed as more trendy, gentrified Brixton.
- Addiscombe and West Croydon were both dismissed by first-time buyer Charli, though no real reason was ever given in the programme. Krustie seemed particularly put out in this respect.
- Nor did they really explain the small economic miracle of how a first-time buyer on her own can afford to buy property for approaching £300,000.
- Krustie was never seen in the broadcast version of the programme holding her nose or saying “Poooeee!” when visiting Croydon. So that’s got to be good, surely?
- “Broad Green Village” was not mentioned. Not once. So that’s all good as well.
- The riots were never mentioned by the programme, neither Croydon’s 2011 edition nor the stuff in Brixton 30 years ago. Though they did visit “Poets’ Corner”, as the Herne Hill end of Railton Road is referred to in eastate agent-speak these days.
- The noxious out-pourings of the council-backed incinerator at Beddington never got a mention, either.
- The flats viewed in Croydon all appeared to be recently modernised conversions in period properties. These, it seems, are what buyers are really looking for.
- Not a single purpose-built “apartment” in a steepling tower block was featured, either. Which was a shame, because a guided tour inside IYLO/Island might have been fun. But then, these were not buy-to-let investors from the Far East…
- Nor did Krustie or Phil step inside one of the more recent office-to-flat conversions of which developers appear so fond in Croydon at present, but which one senior councillor this week professed a fear that, “we’re creating modern-day slums”.
- No matter how lovingly crafted by the programme producers, lingering shots from the top of Streatham Common cannot be passed off as being in Croydon. We’ve got Lloyd Park for that, thanks.
- And in next week’s episode, Krustie and Phil will be looking for properties in south London that can be afforded by nurses, council workers, firemen or teachers, and they will be following a family with three children where both parents are paid the minimum wage, as they seek to find a home where they can actually afford the rent. Or maybe not.
Coming to Croydon
- Soul Symphony Community Choir sessions, Sep 16-Dec 23
- Police question time, LNK at Centrale, Sep 17
- David Lean Cinema: Chef, Sep 18
- Norwood Society Talk: Remembering the Great War, Sep 18
- The Complete History of the BBC – Abridged, Spread Eagle, Sep 19-20
- Cinema Ruskin film show, Sep 20
- South Croydon business breakfast, Sep 20
- Open House London weekend, Sep 20-21
- David Lean Cinema: A Night At The Cinema in 1914, Sep 22
- Activity to Work back-to-work workshops, Sep 23
- David Lean Cinema: Jimmy’s Hall, Sep 25
- Streatham Common 6M race, Sep 27
- Fancy dress family funday, Sep 28
- Ukrainian choir concert, St John’s Shirley, Sep 29
- Tree Sides, Spread Eagle Theatre, Oct 2-4
- The Goon Show, Spread Eagle Theatre, Oct 8-11
- Norwood Society Talk: From Fire Station to Theatre, Oct 16
- Cinema Ruskin film show, Oct 18
- South Croydon business breakfast, Oct 18
- This Was The World and I Was King, Spread Eagle, Oct 23-25
- Albert Einstein – Relativity Speaking, Spread Eagle, Nov 12-15
- South Croydon business breakfast, Nov 15
- Norwood Society Talk: Lambeth’s Archives, Nov 20
- Choose Your Own Documentary, Spread Eagle Theatre, Nov 21-22
- The Last Sense of Sudden, Spread Eagle Theatre, Nov 27-29
- Ghost Stories for Christmas, Spread Eagle Theatre, Dec 3
- Fog Horn Funnies, Spread Eagle Theatre, Dec 6
- South Croydon business breakfast, Dec 13
- South Croydon business breakfast, Jan 24
Inside Croydon: Croydon’s only independent news source, based in the heart of the borough: 407,847 page views (Jan-Jun 2014) If you have a news story about life in or around Croydon, a residents’ or business association or local event, please email us with full details at firstname.lastname@example.org