Inflation, Inflation, Inflation: C4 gives house prices a bump


For sale signsThere. Did you feel that?

That was the sensation of property prices in Croydon jumping another one, two, even 10 grand following the latest visit from that estate agents’ wet dream which is Channel 4’s Location, Location, Location.

In the past week alone, Inside Croydon Towers has been deluged with those little cards from four different estate agencies, offering a free valuation of our stately pile if only we consider putting it on the still over-heated market. But with property prices in London rising, we are told, by £4,500 per week, why sell now? This time next year, Rodders…

This is the 20th series of the programme, which has an enduring fascination for home-owners and home-seekers, somewhat like that of a moth to a naked flame.

In Thursday’s episode, Krustie Allstropp, who some might suggest has an expanding portfolio of her own, wandered the streets of Addiscombe and West Croydon gushing about the area in a manner not heard since Jonny Rose and Anne Piles first gazed into each other’s eyes over coffee at the Glee Club.

This week’s programme is available on C4’s catch-up service for you to judge for yourselves, but we took away a few points of note…

  • With its rail links from East Croydon and the speedy Overground at West Croydon, plus the Tram, in many ways Croydon is actually better served for public transport than Brixton, which was the other location being considered this week, and where a couple was seriously considering paying £500,000 for a ONE. BEDROOMED. FLAT. What kind of madness is this?
  • Flat prices in Croydon as viewed by the programme were roughly half those of similar properties being considered in what was portrayed as more trendy, gentrified Brixton.
  • Addiscombe and West Croydon were both dismissed by first-time buyer Charli, though no real reason was ever given in the programme. Krustie seemed particularly put out in this respect.
  • Nor did they really explain the small economic miracle of how a first-time buyer on her own can afford to buy property for approaching £300,000.
  • Krustie was never seen in the broadcast version of the programme holding her nose or saying “Poooeee!” when visiting Croydon. So that’s got to be good, surely?
  • “Broad Green Village” was not mentioned. Not once. So that’s all good as well.
  • The riots were never mentioned by the programme, neither Croydon’s 2011 edition nor the stuff in Brixton 30 years ago. Though they did visit “Poets’ Corner”, as the Herne Hill end of Railton Road is referred to in eastate agent-speak these days.
  • The noxious out-pourings of the council-backed incinerator at Beddington never got a mention, either.
  • The flats viewed in Croydon all appeared to be recently modernised conversions in period properties. These, it seems, are what buyers are really looking for.
  • Not a single purpose-built “apartment” in a steepling tower block was featured, either. Which was a shame, because a guided tour inside IYLO/Island might have been fun. But then, these were not buy-to-let investors from the Far East…
  • Nor did Krustie or Phil step inside one of the more recent office-to-flat conversions of which developers appear so fond in Croydon at present, but which one senior councillor this week professed a fear that, “we’re creating modern-day slums”.
    London property map
  • No matter how lovingly crafted by the programme producers, lingering shots from the top of Streatham Common cannot be passed off as being in Croydon. We’ve got Lloyd Park for that, thanks.
  • And in next week’s episode, Krustie and Phil will be looking for properties in south London that can be afforded by nurses, council workers, firemen or teachers, and they will be following a family with three children where both parents are paid the minimum wage, as they seek to find a home where they can actually afford the rent. Or maybe not.

Coming to Croydon

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7 Responses to Inflation, Inflation, Inflation: C4 gives house prices a bump

  1. Michael Hall says:

    Re point 5: “Mum and Dad are helping with the deposit” at 5:45.

  2. …and did you actually watch the programme?

    It was terrible and it was also clear that neither presenter had ever been in the area before, that they had no idea of the demography, geography or desirability of the various parts of borough and that, duty done, they were keen as mustard to be elsewhere.

    That the reluctant buyer, constantly pressed to buy an overpriced flat in Addiscombe, had the good sense to see them off says a lot about the good sense of at least one young Croydon resident. The few truly desirable parts of the borough were completely ignored and new builds, far and away the best value and location, were not even mentioned.

  3. Just to clarify things: for once, someone had more sense than money but it was a close call!
    No comment about the other “stars”. None necessary.

  4. I was surprised that “Croydon” was even mentioned, we are usually called “the Surrey Kent Quadrant” by the programme.

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